The Sexiest Xbows on Earth…

So today I have a special treat for you. And you may want to grab a cuppa and relax, cause I’ma be a ranting fool in this post… 😀

A while back, Mozza, one of my buds from the Exotic Automatic Forums, put me onto this site with the sweetest crossbows I have ever seen. (Muchas Gracias Mozz Man!!) I’m talking sexy. Dead sexy. Totally and uncompromising evil, but just so freakin’ sexy you can’t help yourself. Uh huh. You know the ones I’m talking about.

The kinds of crossbows you want to pick black bedspreads and matching, jet black curtains with. The ones you want to bear your evil children. The kinds you will NEVAR take home to your parents… 🙂 ‘Cause they are freaks and you know your folks won’t approve… But you can’t help it. You love them anyway.

I’m sure you are all familiar with the type. The dark, sinister ones you know are probably gonna be bad for you, but you can’t help it ’cause they take you places “normal” weapons can never take you… The ones that will steal your very soul… >:D

LOL I’m sure you all think I’m exaggerating.

OK. I might be. I’m a sucker for a beautifully crafted weaponry. But I’m betting you’ll agree with me about these little pretties once you get to know them. Here, let me introduce you to a couple of my favorites. From awesome designers at Talisman Custom Crossbows:

The Beast

The Beast

[Click Image to view larger size]

This beast, my friends, is a beauty. It’s a rather ornate crossbow with an intricately designed rifle stock. Very highly detailed. Perhaps a little too intricate for my tastes. Especially that rifle stock. But it just so happens they’ve got people like me covered:

The Beast - Pistol Grip

The Beast - Pistol Grip

[Click Image to view larger size]

BAM! Now that’s what I’m talking about. Pistol grips FTW!! And another glamor shot, sans grip:

The Beast - Sans Grip

The Beast - Sans Grip

[Click Image to view larger size]

And now let me introduce you to the more lithe but equally lethal Devils Claw Crossbow:

The Claw

The Devils Claw

[Click Image to view larger size]

Again, definitely not Mr. Magoos Claw… This one I find interesting because it almost seems… alive. Like a Velociraptor in mid-stride… Here’s another shot that kind of reinforces that “hunting killer” perception:

The Claw - The predator about to strike...

The Devils Claw - The predator about to strike...

[Click Image to view larger size]

And as if that wasn’t enough, the “Devils Claw”, also has what i’m gonna call the “Stinging Tail” pose:

The Claw - Stinger at the ready...

The Devils Claw - Stinger at the ready...

[Click Image to view larger size]

A little more forward curve, and I’d be thinking Stingray, or scorpion… Except this is better. Neither the stingray or scorpion actually has a projectile stinger… 😉

Now, these, my friends, are crossbows. Not your run-of-the-mill, muscle-bound crossbows with the X-hundred pound pull, trying to impress us with brute force.  Oh no.  Not these. These baby’s are so elegant, So lithe, so graceful and seductive, that just cocking one of them on a medieval battlefield may very well have caused all of your opponents to keel over, en mass, from multiple nerdgasms…

OK, so maybe that was a little exaggeration. But the thing is, I am really impressed by these crossbows. Not so much because of their aesthetics, even though they are quite exceptional in their own right. I am really more a fan of form over function, and definitely more biased towards simplicity of design than intricacy.

On any other weapon, I would consider this level of ornate design to be a bit over the top. However, the most remarkable thing about these weapons is that they are not just about the art. They are mechanically… Brilliant.  Can’t think of a better word. And that is what has me utterly and thoroughly impressed.

Not only are these crossbows works of art, but the designers have managed to integrate that artistry into the operating mechanism of these crossbows. These are not just basic mechanisms with “artsy stuff” thrown on top. The mechanics IS the art, and vice versa. This is what really blows me away about these xbows.

Here, let me give you a few examples. Look at the cocking mechanism on the Beast:

The Beast - Cocking Claws

The Beast - Cocking Claws

[Click Image to view larger size]

The Beast- Windlass Gear/Cocking/Trigger Mech.

The Beast- Windlass Gear/Cocking/Trigger Mech.

[Click Image to view larger size]

Dual, recessed chain, windlass/cranequin driven, cocking claws?!? Heck, freakin’ Yes! This is the kind of mechanical design I love with a passion!! If I were a swearing man, I’d be hurling excited expletives like beads at Mardi Gras…

Even the more mundane parts of the crossbow look like they were (probably quite gleefully) given functional artistic flair:

The Beast - Stacked Limb Bow Prod assy

The Beast - Stacked Limb Bow Prod assy

[Click Image to view larger size]

The Beast - Bowstring mount

The Beast - Bowstring mount

[Click Image to view larger size]

I mean look at that. Yes, it’s a dragon head, but its a functional dragon head. And yes, my love of dragons my be biasing my interpretation of what this is supposed to be. I’ll admit it. But I don’t care. Just suck it up. :P.

Anywhoo the mechanics of the Devils Claw are no exception. Take a look at it’s cocking mechanism.

The Claw - Cocking/Trigger assy

The Claw - Cocking/Trigger assy

I mean seriously. Never has the mechanical advantage of lever style crossbow cocking mechanism looked this good. Trust me. And that’s the whole point. Talisman appears to have taken the fundamental mechanics of the crossbow, and molded it into art. Amazing art at that.

Now I’ll grant you that, since I see all kinds of junk designs day after day, I’m probably easy to impress. But in this case, It’s a fair bet my enthusiasm is not misplaced. I could be wrong.

But I doubt it…

The Beast – [Talisman Custom Crossbows]

The Devils Claw – [Talisman Custom Crossbows]


15 Responses to “The Sexiest Xbows on Earth…”

  1. 1 CapnPervy
    October 17, 2008 at 11:01 am

    OMG *DROOL*!!!!!
    these things are gorgeous! the combination of the elegant style and design with the look of raw power that comes from the all metal build. it’s just incredible. though i must admit that i immediately went to their site and i already found one i like better. the dark angel bow just struck a chord in me. it just seems to me to have the right balance in every aspect. the combination of ornate but simple, the molding of wood and metal. it all just works in a way that is, all in all, indescribable. (though it didn’t have the drop-dead sexy mechanics that these ones did)

  2. 2 AJ
    October 18, 2008 at 10:57 pm

    ahh reminds me when i was just a boy, my dad bought a crossbow and shot one of the bolts trought 3 plates of steel took us a wile to get out ^-^

  3. 3 ladyofspiders
    October 19, 2008 at 8:47 pm

    The first two I would like better without the scope, I mean really if you need a scope on your cross bow you are just a sissy *grins*

    But that last one, does not really appeal to me.

  4. October 20, 2008 at 12:02 am

    Yeah, actually I was sorely tempted to post about all of them. I really like them all, but I thought these two showcased the engineering side of things better… Not to mention it would have made for a really, really long post… 🙂

    3 plates of steel? What kind of crossbow was that? I think I’ll be needing one… LOL

    LOL The scope makes you a sissy? And here I was thinking it was a requirement for accurately engaging targets at extreme ranges… 🙂

    Actually I was thinking the scope did kinda seemed out of place on that top crossbow. Black scope on a steel xbow… Meh.. Actually, I would have much preferred to see both of these in black… But C’est la Vie…

    To be honest, both of these are a bit on the ornate side for my tastes. The other crossbows on the site are aesthetically more my style. However they were not so uniquely engineered/constructed as these… That’s what really got me about these two…

  5. 5 ladyofspiders
    October 22, 2008 at 10:58 pm

    Back in the day scopes did not even exisit. But lazy modern people need them.

  6. 6 MoZZA!
    October 23, 2008 at 11:11 am

    WooT! they finally made it on here!
    yeah they are very ornate, but they are also fully functional.
    phyre knows im not one for too much intricacy but these really got it for me!

  7. October 23, 2008 at 11:25 pm

    Ok, not that I want to defend our lazy modern day humans, but you do realize that modern crossbows are more accurate and can fire a bolt many times farther than they could back in the day? They didn’t need them back then because you literally couldn’t shoot far enough with any accuracy such that they would be necessary… These days, with the ridiculous ranges on some of these crossbows, I could excuse someone for wanting to be able to actually *see* the target… LOL

    Indeed. These are indeed both interesting and unusual from an aesthetic standpoint, but that really isn’t my schtick either. At least not usually. I’m really more tickled by the mechanics than anything else… I don’t think I’ve seen *any* modern crossbow designs with the level of integrated mechanical helpers as what the beast is sporting…

  8. 8 ladyofspiders
    October 27, 2008 at 1:42 pm

    Hehe, well when I finally get my bow, it is going to be a hand-made, tradidtional wooden bow. Not those fancy new-fangled high-tech bows they have today, that do not even really require much skill or talent to use, because it has these devices and settings that do all the work for you.

  9. October 28, 2008 at 12:27 am

    Come now LoS, it is not true that high tech equates to no skill… One cannot cast a rock, by hand, as far as a sling shot can, but would you call the slingshot user a no-talent hack for that reason? They are all simply tools that allow humans to make use of the better technology that is available…

    I could say you were being cheap for using a bow instead of a throwing knife… Now that’s a real challenge…

    ‘Tis much the same with crossbows vs longbows. You can have all the tech help in the world, but still be a poor marksman… 🙂 If anything, for instance, a sniper must be a much better marksman than a standard rifleman, with or without things like adjustable scopes, etc., because smaller errors result in greater inaccuracy the farther down range you’re target is… 🙂

  10. 10 ladyofspiders
    November 3, 2008 at 11:47 am

    Oh come one, some of the comepound bows they make today for use take about as much effort to use as squeezing the trigger on a gun. There is no art in it anymore. You cannot say that it takes as much skill to shoot a gun as it does to shoot a bow. And the new bows they make today, really all you have to do is aim and squeeze, they have settins and adjustments that do everything else for you. You don’t even really have to aim, you just put in the setting to calcualte where you want it to go, and point in the right direction.

  11. November 5, 2008 at 1:32 am

    No, I wasn’t trying to say it takes the same amount of skill to shoot a gun as it does a bow. I was using the difference between the skill level of a sniper and your average infantryman to illustrate how more advanced sighting aids does not necessarily mean less skill is involved to use a weapon.

    Modern day snipers have the most advanced range finding equipment and optics available, but even with then, if you gave that equipment to your average rifleman they will be unable to hit the broadside of a barn with it at extended ranges… Ok, so that’s an exaggeration, but hopefully you get the point.

    I’ll grant you that some of those crossbows are rather loaded with extraneous stuff. Things like sighting and range finding aids, built in let off, etc. do make it easier to use a bow, (and I am assuming you are referring to compound bows as opposed to crossbows) but you do still have to aim, be good with distance estimation, environmental interpretation, still need to have proper form and so on. All is not lost. It’s just a different kind of archery. Calculated, as opposed to instinctual… 🙂

  12. 12 MoZZA!
    December 9, 2008 at 3:21 pm

    THAT REMINDS ME! i still need to make that compound bow! ta LoS!

  13. December 9, 2008 at 10:46 pm

    Well get to it man!! 😀

  14. 14 BLACK WIDOW1300
    May 2, 2009 at 7:59 pm

    HOLY $H!T!
    where did you find these?!

    the devils claw has to be the most amazing thing i have ever seen

  15. 15 Bh6k
    August 27, 2010 at 8:24 pm

    I like the beast w/o the pistol grip, reminds me of something that the elf prince would use in hellboy 2

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