Archive for August, 2008

30
Aug
08

An Evil Push Dagger of Doom!

I’ve posted a relatively fair share of what I consider “battle blades”, but today I thought I’d show you a rather interesting blade, one that, contrary to the other extravagant steel art I’ve been blogging about, looks like it would actually be rather wickedly effective. Yep. I’d like you to meet… the Interceptor:

Interceptor

Interceptor

Now that, my friends is evil. My kind of evil. Edges and curves and points. Oh My! :-}

Ok, back to intercepting. This appears to be a weapon modeled after a push dagger, except based on the brass knuckles form factor we first ran into in Tom Andersons Pantera Claws. Essentially, it’s a pair of wood scaled brass knuckles, (in steel) with a set of blades attached forward and to either side of the knuckles.

In essence, a push dagger. With a little extra. And a mean little push dagger it is. Well, perhaps not so little. It is significantly larger than any traditional push dagger, but in this case, this is not an unwelcome characteristic. Out front, we have two large forward blades, with forward pointing tips and outward facing edges.

On either side of the finger voids, we have one additional blade, edges facing out. All four blades have a little semicircular divot which seems to serve no other purpose than aesthetic style. Not the kind of thing I’d do, but they doesn’t seem to create any particularly bad weaknesses, so I’ll move on. The blade seems to be attached via a set of small screws, which might be the only major weakness I can see.

But beyond that, it seems like it would be a genuinely effective tool. Clearly, as a punch dagger, this would be killer (excuse the pun), no questions. The side blades, on the other hand, might see some limited effectiveness if the blade was used in a side hammer fist, though I’d probably not want to try to cut anything like that with the forward blades, unless you really won’t need the use of your fingers afterwards.

But when all is said and done, it’s sheer wickedness… Well, what more can I say… Look at it yourself and form your own conclusions… 😉

Interceptor – [eBlade Store]

Advertisements
27
Aug
08

Know your gang signs. And use them wisely…

So I was looking at a few weapons on teh intarwebs and came across this:

Wakizashi

Wakizashi

Now at first glance you might be like, “Hey, that’s a cool looking sword and sheath” And you might be right. However there are actually two things rather horribly wrong with this picture. Take a guess what they are. That’s ok. I’ll wait…

Ok, guess already…! Bah. Balrogs have little patience. But you probably already knew that. OK, since that little waiting farce is out of the way, let me tell you the two things that stick in my craw about the above pic.

The first is this. Interestingly enough, the site I found it on labeled this sword a Wakizashi. Now If you have watched any hollywood ninja movies, you may be familiar with this general sword design. It is usually referred to as a Ninja-to. or, more simply put, a Ninja sword. It is a Shinobi warriors primary weapon. Straight, medium length, single edged blade, occasionally slightly tapered from hilt to tip, with a sharply angled point. Sometimes (at least nowadays anyway) finished in sweet , sweet blackness.

Now let me describe a Wakizashi. A Wakizashi, which has historically been used  to refer to any “side sword”, is usually a secondary sword that is worn with, or accompanied by a larger, primary sword, usually a Katana, as a matched pair. As you can imagine, as a shorter faster version of the katana, it would be a mid sized, single edged sword, with a curved blade, and an upward sweeping point. Almost never finished in black.

Beginning to get the picture? Besides the fact that they are both mid sized swords, Ninjaken and Wakizashi have NOTHING in common. And yet I have before me a picture of a Ninjato, labeled a Wakizashi. Do you understand why I sometimes feel like ripping my horns out of my head? And not just cutting them off at the base, like that whiny little wuss, Hellboy did, I mean seriously, ripping them out of my skulll…

But I digress. I’m ok. Ignore my little outburst. On to the next point of contention. The sheath. Your standard cheapo but durable all weather sheath. Except for one thing. There is a Scimitar/cutlass emblazoned on it. Yeah, a Cutlass, ya know like a Pirate might use, emblazoned on a sheath for a Ninja-to, under the rather  presumptive Wakizashi title.

Uh huh, LOL… Whut?

A pirate weapon molded into the sheath of a ninja weapon. Seriously, do these people not have a clue? Do they not know that Pirates and Ninjas are like mortal enemies? That’s like putting Crips colors on a weapon and trying to sell it to a Blood… Or vice versa… Either way, not a smart move…

You never go to one gang wearing a rival gangs colors. It’s just not professional. Honestly. Good thing the guys that design these things don’t have to sell them in real live ninjas… They’d be dead meat… 😛

Ninja Wakizashi – [eBladeStore]

26
Aug
08

Another Useless Fantasy “Bowie”…

OK, So it may seem like I’ve been on a consistent critical rant the last few posts but… Well… Aww, who am I kidding. I am on a ranting rampage. I keep running into all of this crazy steel sculptures masquerading as blades of some sort.

And here is the the inspiration for todays rant:

Darkness Power Bowie

Darkness Power Bowie

[click image to view full size]

Ahhh yes… A bowie of darkness and power…

NOT!

Normally I’d be all about nitpicking all of the reasons why this is not really a knife at all, and has more in common with a metal sculpture, but hopefully it should be obvious to all of you why…

On second thought, I’m going to spell it out anyway, for any new readers…

First of all, <Arnie voice> “This is naht uh BOWEE… IT’S NAHT AH BOWEE!! </Arnie voice> Nope. I dunno what it is… But it’s just not a bowie knife. Unless someone updated the knife design rulebook and didn’t send me the memo. And if any of you are about to say “No, no, no, you don’t understand, it’s a FANTASY bowie!”, STOP! Before you even finish the thought, I want you to slap yourself. Twice. In the face. With a slab of raw steak.

No, even better, use a frozen side of beef. Three times. Yes. Like that. Feel better? Good. Because I really don’t feel like talking about the kinds of things I dream about doing to the idiots who come up with all of these “fantasy” versions of real weapons that have no relationship WHATSOEVER with the real weapons in question, besides having an edge. At least not today. Just believe me. This is not a bowie knife.

But that, in and of itself, is not my biggest peeve with this thing. My thing, first and foremost, is that a blade is designed to be USED. At least in my paradigm of the universe. And, on any blade, it’s grip, or handle, is the part of the weapon/tool that is intended specifically to allow any sharp implement to be used. Preferably without the wielder sacrificing a digit, (or two, or maybe even three) every time they wield/use it.

Now tell me, kind readers, what do we have here for a grip? I’ll tell you. On this thing, where there should be a nice, roughly cylindrical grip, preferably with wooden scales or some other similarly hospitable gripping surface, we have… a skeletal hand. Huh. Yeah. Nooosiree… There will be no wielding of this nifty little art piece, unless you like shaking hands with the long departed, but recently exhumed. To each his or her own, I guess… But that kinda stuff really doesn’t do it for me.

I suppose I might be being a little harsh. After all, this is clearly not intended to be any kind of functional blade… But I can hear, in my head, the cries of honest hardworking bowie knives the world over… And I assure you, they are all thoroughly insulted to have this hoity toity piece of worthless steel disrespectfully lumped in the same category with them…

Darkness Power Bowie… Hrrmph. I’ve got your darkness power right here…

Darkness Power Bowie – [eBladeStore]

21
Aug
08

Metallurgy 101

OK, so I’ll begin this post by apologizing for my distinct lack of posts the past few weeks… But I do have a good excuse. I moved!! I am now hidden away in a new cave, in a suitably isolated location, where I can hopefully blog in peace, without some pesky human happening upon my hidey hole (and me) and deciding it’s a good century to form a party and go Balrog hunting…

No, don’t laugh, it could happen… What, you think Balrogs can’t be swiftboated? Think again. Which is a shame, seriously, cause it’s the 21st century, and you’d think all that mess would have gotten old… But Noooooo… Ya crazy humans… But I digress.

Today I’ll be ranting a little about more human insanity. You’ve probably all heard me rave in many shapes and forms about how there are some marketing gimmicks that really could only have been the brainchild of a IQ challenged, maladjusted orc with a serious case of… Well… We’ll not go there today, suffice to say that there is a fine line between marketing genius and insanity.

Case in point: An interesting set of nunchaku called “Solid Steel Assault”.

Solid Steel Assault

Solid Steel Assault

[Click image to view full size]

Ok. I know what you are thinking. And it’s a valid question. What’s wrong with this? Looks like a sweet pair of nunchaku no? Indeed, one of the first weapons I ever made was a pair of nunchaku. Notwithstanding the occasional lump on the head, and the once-in-a-blue-moon occasion with me writhing on the floor, in the foetal position, clutching at my nads in extreme agony, it was all fun. Good times, good times.

Yes. It’s a good pair of nunchaku. Not great, as it’s not a particularly durable (or safe) design, since It uses a bolt threaded directly into the shaft to secure the swivel bracket to which the chain is attached. And unfortunately this bolt has a tendency to keep backing out. But as issues go, that one is easy to fix. If you have the right tools. Though that would be purely academic to a person whose “half chucks” have just launched themselves into their wide screen TV, Wiimote style…

No. Not particularly safe. But my real beef is it’s name. Solid Steel Assault. Now what, pray tell, would you think this nunchaku would be constructed of, with a name like that? I’ll give you one guess. BZZZT!! WRONG!!. Nope. Not steel. Take another wild guess. Nice guess!! You get an invisible cigar. This nunchaku, Impressively named Solid Steel Assault, is made of… ALUMINUM!! Is that crazy or what!!

Now I’ll be the first to admit my alchemy is a little rusty, but aren’t Steel and Aluminum two different kinds of metal? So why, in the name of all that is sacred, would you give an aluminum weapon a name with Solid Steel anywhere in it? Actually… I have a theory.

I think they were originally going to make it of solid steel. Then someone realized that their fastening method left something to be desired, (IE it’s garbage) and decided to change the material du jour, at the last minute, to aluminum. Why? Because it would hurt less when someone came round to beat them over the head with it for their obvious stupidity…

Hey, I’m just saying…

Solid Steel Assault – [True Swords]




August 2008
M T W T F S S
« Jul   Sep »
 123
45678910
11121314151617
18192021222324
25262728293031

Subscribe The Dark Realm!

Add to My AOL